It's not what you're eating ~ It's what's eating you

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "  Mark 11:25

Forgiveness.  It's a strong word.  All by itself.  Powerful in so many ways yet we feel it's a sign of inner weakness to forgive.  We hold on to a grudge almost like it is a badge of honor, worn over our heart.  So ugly, black, and twisting.  It hardens until the heart is almost unrecognizable.  Silent, cold, and miserable. 

Not forgiving someone is a terrible place to reside.

I was talking with one of my dearest friends last night and she is a Meltdown blog reader.  She loves every post and is an avid fitness guru who loves pilates, yoga, and just about everything that has to do with spin classes!!  She told me how great our blog is and how we were helping so many Meltdown participants.  

We were all finished up with the girlfriend chit chat and then the next words out of her mouth were spoken so firmly that I really had to stop and process the words that poured through the phone.  She stated that she had read yesterday's blog posting and she said she needed to ask me a question.  She slowly spoke almost in a hesitating manner, "What's bothering you?".  My quick almost too quick reply was, "Not a single thing, I'm great!"  My friend then said to me, "Steph, it's not what you're eating.  It's what's eating you."  The need to snack is what lulls the surface emotions to numb again.

I had to really stop & think after she said that to me.  My obsession with snacking had been a constant mindset this week.  I wanted something in my hands at all times, something to crunch on, snack on, let alone the game of not wanting to get my exercise minutes in. I thought it was just me getting in a rut of wanting to return to the old habits. Yet her words began to hit me once again like a ton of bricks. 
The need to snack is what lulls the surface emotions to numb again. 

We talked a little while longer and as we hung up I decided to dig a little deeper into what exactly my issue with snacking may be tied to.  My obsession & desire to snack & crunch was tied to forgiveness.  I'm not talking about simple forgiveness like forgiving the forgetful hubby who neglected to get the trash out before the trash truck left the driveway.  NOTE:  This has never happened in our drive!!! 

I'm talking about letting go of something you have been keeping around -- the baggage of not forgiving.

The thick thorn of not forgiving is a weakness.  It's a splinter lodged into the heart and over time if festers into a horrible blister.  Left alone it hardens and that hardness manifests itself in your life in different ways.  I am Italian and as Italian's go we love & live our lives passionately but cross us and it's a whole different story.  My mother's side is a mixture of Italian, Irish, and a whole lot of other things but our family tree branches comprise a whole group of headstrong, often times inflexible, steadfast, & tenacious women.  Having a double dose of the above I know I don't need to explain how I arrived at my current destination!

I'm not going to go into a huge explanation of who I had to forgive and why.  All I will say is that it was a past hurt from someone I considered a close friend who turned out not to be.  I carried this hurt around for a year.  I am happy to say I have forgiven the hurt and have let it go.  It's not something that defines me now.  I understand we were not made perfect and without flaws but we do have the power within to forgive.  I now have a renewed sense of freedom with the forgiveness that has taken place.  Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.  It is one of the most powerful things you could ever do for yourself!  If you have someone you need to forgive for a past hurt ~ LET IT GO!  You are not hurting them by carrying it around; you are hurting YOU!

Please take a minute to listen to the link below from Chris August.  It's called 7 X 70.
   http://youtu.be/ITh9IH1p-ME